Study #11: A Family Disease

Ephesians 1:16
I do not cease to give thanks for you as I remember you in my prayers. 

I was surprised to learn that alcoholism was a family disease. I thought it was only my father’s problem. My father was a brilliant college professor. He knew every fact in the encyclopedia, yet he did not know how to drink. I was a kid and wondered how he could be so dumb. He became a different man when
he drank.

Dad’s alcoholism was a source of shame and embarrassment for my brothers, my sisters, my mom, and me. We could never have parties. We could never have friends over on the weekend, because what if Dad was drinking?

I ran away from home without leaving. I became overly involved in school, church, sports, and the community theater program. I excelled at everything; everything except staying home.

One weekend after a particularly bad round of Dad’s drinking, Mom threatened to leave. I encouraged her to. A few days later, the whole family confronted Dad, telling him how his drinking was affecting all of us (even ruining our lives). This is tough for me to remember. I felt so terrible that we were inflicting emotional pain on Dad. But after that intervention, Dad drove off with a family friend to his first attempt at rehab. On his third try, I believe it worked. I love my dad and I love my family. I don’t believe he intended to hurt us. And we did not mean to hurt him.

There are still times, 18 years after his sobriety, that I don’t feel safe. I question him and I doubt myself. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and insecure for no good reason.

I don’t know if God hears me when I pray. I have my doubts. I have felt that if Dad was not there for me as a father, then how could God the Father be there for me? At times the feminine face of God, a more loving and nurturing God, speaks to me. I pray to a gentle parent who won’t hurt or embarrass me.

I know alcoholism is a family disease. It was not my father’s illness alone. It belonged to all of us. There are ways that the family learned to adjust to Dad’s drinking that were not functional. One way I coped was by running away without ever leaving home.

One challenge for me is to not run away when times are tough in my own marriage and with my own kids. There are times I want to run away. When I pray for alcoholics, I pray for their families too. I give thanks that God helps me cope. I give thanks that I remember the tough times of my own childhood, so that I can be more compassionate to myself and to others.

Questions for Reflection and Discussion

• What are ways I have learned to cope that may not be healthy?
• Where can I go when I want to run away?
• To whom can I turn? Is God a source of embarrassment for me? How do I find a more loving God?
• Does God really hear us when we pray?

Anonymous